I’ve been feeling really gross lately. I’m just a hot mess… literally. It’s so stinkin’ hot outside! I’m sweaty all of the time and I can’t seem to drink enough water. Apparently neither can my plants because they are getting all crispy despite my early morning and late night watering sessions.

Yesterday I woke up at 5:30 to water the yard before Penelope woke up and the first thing I did was check to see if there were any drunk slugs in my backyard. I didn’t find anything but drunk earwigs. I was really bummed out because I want to know what the hell is eating my garden!

In order to boost my gardening spirits I went to check on my carrots that had just sprouted and were going strong… but I couldn’t find them. They were gone! Something ate them too and it needs to DIE! You have no idea how disappointed I was. Roosky Littlemoney is counting on these things to grow. I’m out of seeds but I called around and found some so I’ll just have to plant them again.

After spending the majority of this month entertaining and being entertained I’ve found myself completely out of my groove. So much so I can feel a funk coming on. I’ve eaten like crap and I haven’t fit in a good workout for weeks. It’s starting to make me feel a little bit crazy.

I’ve come to the conclusion that when I workout hard I’m just sweating the crazy out of my system. Bridget knows this and since she’s in the throws of puberty she hates that word she’s been wanting to get rid of some crazy herself. Yesterday we tried to kick start things off right by going for a nice run to start off our day.

Isn’t this a nice picture?

If we were friends on facebook you would see this and think. “How nice, this lady has got her shit together.” What you didn’t see was how we almost didn’t make it out of the house because Penelope got sunblock in her eye, Bridget couldn’t find shorts that didn’t give her a wedgie and I had to hop out of the car ten times because I forgot the water bottle… Penelope’s snacks… the right stroller… my ear buds… I could go on.

After one lap Bridget was done and I was just getting started. I knew I needed a much longer run. I could tell because the crazy was still pulsating in my veins. But I was really proud of her for getting out there in the first place so I let her decide when the run was over. After the run we made a quick trip to the library and the grocery store. We had made plans to meet friends at the pool so we scurried inside and got our bathing suits on.

Penelope got sunblock in her eye (again) but that didn’t hinder her vision for finding the sharpest object she could find and running with it as fast as she could. I didn’t know what it was until I caught up with her and snatched it away.

It was just a sweet gift the window guys left behind in her room. I got that weird adrenaline dump when I realized what it was. I was so glad she didn’t fall on it while trying to sneak away with it.

After our close call we went to the pool where I chased Penelope around for an hour then headed home where my house was still a mess despite my efforts to keep it clean. Bridget stayed at the pool with her friend and was later dropped off by her friend’s mom who walked in just in time to see just how messy my house was. The side of my house was littered with trash thanks to the neighborhood raccoon, the grass in the front yard is half dead/ half overgrown, the kitchen floor had peas scattered all over it and my vacuum cleaner was sitting out with the cord unwound and sprawled on the floor.

I’m a mess.

When I woke up this morning that gross feeling I have been having lately was amplified times ten. I was up at five o’clock again because my little human alarm clock doesn’t seem to have a snooze button. I looked over at the empty side of the bed where my husband should have been sleeping then picked up my phone to look at the photo I receive via text of him at the wildland fire.

I’m not really sure why he’s holding a log over his head… or wearing a beret for that matter. But I do know that I miss him a ton. I counted down the days and I’ve got nine more to go before he comes back.

After listening to Penelope squawk in her crib it became clear that she wasn’t going to fall back to sleep so I stumbled into her room and picked her up. Then I realized I didn’t pee first so I tried to set her back down but she would have none of that so I peed with her sitting in my lap. I looked at the scale and pretended like I didn’t see it as I made my way downstairs to get her some milk. Finally, after she had a belly full of milk she was okay with being set down to play with her toys on the deck while I watered the yard.

Somehow the setting on my sprinkler got out of hand so we both ended up with a face full of water. I thought it was kind of funny but she did not.

When we came inside I sat her down with her toys while I begrudgingly took the time to step on the scale. I cringed as I waited for the results… 192.2. It could have been worse. I actually felt indifferent to the number, glad I didn’t gain ten pounds during this hectic month but ready to get back down to business because I’ve still got a long way to go.

Since Penelope was playing so nicely by herself I sat down to blog the results… but  couldn’t. For some reason I didn’t have a connection to the internet. This seems to be the theme of my life right now, nothing is connecting. I tried calling Comcast and was introduced to another automated voice system after 30 minutes of being on the phone I still didn’t have a connection to the internet. At this point I said… SCREW IT!

I loaded up the baby and the dog and took a walk to the coffee shop… in my pajamas… before even brushing my teeth. The whole time I pretended like I wasn’t falling apart at the seams despite my efforts to keep it together.

As I walked in the early morning sunshine things began to turn around. The trees smelled good, Penelope was happy, I was caffeinated… all was right with the world again.

When I got back I sat down with Penelope and read her a book that she absolutely loves. She babbled the whole way through it and kissed every page (this is a new thing). Before I laid her down in the crib for her morning nap she kissed me on the mouth and nuzzled into my neck. At that moment I couldn’t help but be entirely grateful for this messy life I lead. I wouldn’t change it for anything.

After I put her down I sat at the computer and guess what… I had a connection to the internet so I was able to do my official Friday weigh-in after all. Bridget woke up and snapped my monthly photos for me so you can see just how much of a sweaty hot mess I really am.

I always get mad when I put forward effort and don’t get the results I want. I feel this way about all aspects of life…gardening, school, parenting, weight loss. I always think that since I “tried” I should get what I was after in the first place. What I’ve discovered is that you can’t just sit there and feel sorry for your failure and pout about how unfair it is. Instead you have to just chug along and try harder and if that’s not enough try even harder still. Eventually, if you don’t give up  and you keep trying you will get the results you want. Because one thing is for certain pouting doesn’t accomplish anything but a bad attitude.

Remind me of this little insight when I have a failure pity party later on down the road… m’kay?

Have a great weekend everyone!