Can I be honest with you? I’ve been really lame lately I haven’t played outside nearly as much as I would have liked. It’s not even because I’ve been busy watching the World Cup.

I haven’t even watched one game! My former 13 year old self would be seriously disappointed…

Every time I see clips of the games I am reminded of that one awkward summer when sat in my friend’s living room watching the 1993 World Cup. It was during that time, in between swigs of Coke, that I wondered out loud how big their balls were… in front of my friend’s dad. I tried to amend this to make sure that her dad knew that I didn’t actually have any interest in men’s balls… just the size of their balls. The size of the soccer balls not their balls. (Ugh! See?) I tried to stutter myself out of that situation until my friend’s dad just told me to give up. So I did but I’ve been haunted by the experience ever since.

I still wonder to this day what size balls they have… er, use.

I guess I could just Google it and find out but that would make my life even more lame. We didn’t have Google back in 1993 and it’s a good thing because I probably would have tried to find the answer to my poorly worded question through the search engine. Can you imagine the things I would have seen if I had?

Yeah… so… that was an awkward moment we just shared there.

Can I be even more honest with you?

I don’t know why I just told you that story.  I’m supposed to be writing about weight loss and all of that crap but I don’t have anything to say on the subject because there hasn’t been any weight loss happening as of late. I haven’t worked out nearly as much as I would have liked and I’m getting a bit stir crazy.

Every time I plan a trip to the pool after Penelope’s nap the clouds roll in and thwart my plans. With out the magic of my green bathing suit I’m starting to feel a bit yucky about the few pounds I’ve gained. I mean, it’s the constriction of clothing where muffin tops happen. I’d rather be seen naked than in a pair a tight pants.

We ate horrible things on Father’s Day so Brent and I decided to straighten up our act this week.  We had a “Do Over” midway through Monday when we decided that night was our last night to eat bad. We would start fresh on Tuesday. But even after Tuesday rolled around I still struggled with it. I ate really healthy stuff during the first half of the day..

Including a kale salad that I picked fresh from my garden.

I took pictures so that I could show you how awesome I was eating my healthy homegrown veggies and all.

Then when I went to put Penelope down for her nap I got bored and start snacking. It started off innocent enough… hummus and veggies, then hummus and chips  came into play and things just got out of control. That’s when I decide that I had already screwed up for the day so I would decide to invoke a new “Do Over”. I told myself that I would start over again on Wednesday. This resulted in finishing off the hummus. After that I had no ambition to cook a decent dinner for anyone because by this point I was too full and ashamed. So the girls ate sandwiches for dinner.

It’s a disgrace I tell you.

This is how I end up getting fat in the first place…. this whole shame spiral. I think it might be some sort of mental defect. It just doesn’t even make sense.

Today has been different (so far) I’m in a space where I feel the need to shed some weight again. I’m ready to buckle down and commit to slimming down a bit more. Unfortunately, I have found myself in that beginning space again. That space where you have to fight all of your mental demons before you can fully carry through with your plans. Once I get started I’m usually golden. It’s just a matter of getting over the whole “Do Over” tactic.

Another struggle I have is with patience. I want results immediately.

When I was out watering my garden this morning I was looking at two little green tomatoes surrounded by little yellow flowers and I felt the same impatience bubble up.

“Hurry up and grow… I want to eat you!”

Gardening and losing weight have a lot in common. You have to put forward a ton of energy and effort in for a long time before you see the results you are looking for. The hardest part is having  the faith that things will turn out the way you want them to in the end.

That being said, after you have spent some time dedicating yourself to the effort you will begin to enjoy the process. You’ll notice the changes and you will work even harder because you like seeing the progress. I’ve gotten there with the garden now I just have to do the same with my weight loss… again.

It’s all about perspective. If I had seen myself looking the way that I do now when I first started this blog I would have done a little happy dance. At the same time if, I weighed this much five years ago I would have cried. (What a weirdo.)

What’s the moral of this story? Never be curious about balls when you are in the company of your friend’s dad.

Nope, nope that’s not the one.

The moral? Stay away from the “Do Over”… IT’S A TRAP! This is just your lame way of making yourself feel better for not following through with the promises you have made to yourself.

P.S. The answer is 5. They use size 5 balls. This is the regulation size for age 12 and over. So that means they had the same size balls as I did when I was 13. I think that’s what I really wanted to know.