*Warning: This blog is based purely from an honest point of view and in my attempt to be honest I tend to over share. That is precisely what is about to happen. You have been warned.

Yesterday was a weird day, it completely threw me for a loop.

I woke up in the middle of the night Thursday morning with the worst stomach cramps that I had ever had. I tried to sneak off into the bathroom while Brent slept to find some relief in the bathroom. But there was no relief to be had, so I crawled back in bed and tried to sleep it off hoping the cramps would be gone by the time I woke up.

When I woke up they weren’t any better and to top things off the pain was radiating through my rectum. As a woman I’m quite familiar with stomach cramps, rectum cramps however are a whole different story. I didn’t want to tell Brent what was going on because it was embarrassing. Until later when he was doing something funny that was cracking me up.

“Honey, please don’t make me laugh because when you do my butthole hurts.”

“Uhh… what?”

That’s when I had to confess what was going on. I couldn’t cough, laugh or sit without the pain radiating through my body. I had no idea what was wrong with me. Brent told me to go to the Dr but I didn’t want to because it was humiliating. Plus, I was terrified of having to undergo a rectal exam.

Finally, I decided to make the call so that I could see what was going on and possibly get some relief. While I waited for my appointment I googled symptoms to see what could possibly be wrong. Maybe I was just severely constipated, or maybe I had some form of IBS…

When I went to the Dr I was given a thorough exam. (My greatest nightmare realized.) My stomach was super tender to the touch. If it had been localized she would have assumed that I had appendicitis but it wasn’t it was all over the lower region of my stomach. She then assumed it had to have something to do with my uterus. She check the location where my IUD (birth control) was implanted to see if it had gotten infected or misplaced. But it was in perfect shape and there wasn’t anything wrong from what she could tell, other than the severe tenderness I had. After the exam I put my clothes back on, got some blood work done, peed in a cup and waited in the room for my doctor to come back in.

When she walked in the first thing she said was, “The pregnancy test was positive.”

“Wait.. what?”

I didn’t even know she was checking to see if I was pregnant.

“I have an IUD. That’s supposed to be 99.9 percent effective.”

“I know it’s extremely rare.”

She then explained to me that it was possible that the tenderness could be caused from the IUD implanted while my baby was growing. Or I could be suffering from a tubal pregnancy which would mean I would have to have surgery immediately in order to keep from bleeding to death internally. I would have to wait for a sonogram to be sure what was going on.

She made arrangements for me to go to my OBGYN that same afternoon. I had to wait three hours to find out. I was either going into surgery that night and loosing a baby I didn’t even know that I had or I was going to add another member to my family. My mind was reeling. I didn’t know what to think.

I came home and told Brent the news and he grinned, secretly proud of his virility. He would be happy to welcome another child maybe this one would even be a little boy. Something he has tried to talk me into trying for in the past.

My Dr appointment finally arrived and I was called back for the sonogram. I laid back in that dark room looking up at the screen in front of me to find the answer I had been waiting for.  There it was, a little splotch of a person inside me, lodged in the tiny confines of the tubes leading to my ovary. It was indeed a tubal pregnancy. My uterus was already full of blood. I would be in surgery shortly.

Brent was at home with the girls trying to make arrangements and would meet me at the hospital. My doctor’s office is located at the hospital where the surgery would take place. I was given an admittance packet and I walked to the emergency room on foot. Feeling the pain radiate with every step I took. It was the blood sloshing around in my uterus.

Before I knew it, I was laying on a bed in a hospital gown, my head was throbbing my heart was throbbing and I was connected to an IV that pumped pain medicine through my veins making me feel light headed. Brent was still trying to find someone to take care of the girls for us so I sat there alone. Before I knew it they were starting to wheel me from one room to another.

I was handed more paper work to sign and given more information to digest. Then I was asked what I wanted to do with the fetus’ body. I was given several options and was asked if I had a name for it. I didn’t even know that a fetus had even existed when I had woken up that morning much less given time to think of names. The nurse took it upon herself to just write “Angel of Chapman” in the blank space where the name was supposed to go.

Brent finally arrived, I was given some medicine and the next thing I knew I was waking up in a strange room with a ragged wet cough that pulled at the stitches in my stomach. Brent was there to comfort me and take me home.

We went home that very night. I’ve slept most of the day. My head is still throbbing probably from the shock of it all. I’ve just taken my second dose of medicine and will probably be asleep again shortly. I’m sitting in my pajamas with the hospital bracelets still attached to my arm.

I just wanted to write this blog post for two reasons. To explain my absence from the blog for the next few days and to try to sort out how I feel about all of this. I haven’t had time to process everything. I haven’t had time to think about it or time to feel anything.