I’m gonna be honest with you guys… it took me a while to get into the groove this week. I told myself that I would be hardcore from day one (last Friday). That mentality didn’t really come to fruition until Monday. Up until that point I kind of dabbled in dieting but I wasn’t fully committed.
You know why? I hate dieting.
BUT after months and months of just doing whatever I wanted to the point of ridiculous it turns out to be absolutely necessary. If you are going to be extreme in the “I don’t give a shit department”. You better be prepared to get extreme in the other direction if you have any hopes of undoing any of the damage that has been done. So, that’s what I’m doing…
There seems to be a progression of revelations that come with dieting that seems eerily similar to the steps of grief.
Shock and Denial- I’m not that fat… Oh CRAP I am that fat! 😦 I can’t handle this right now, I’ll deal with it tomorrow.
Anger and Depression- How did it get this far? What the hell is wrong with me? Why didn’t you just start yesterday?
Release and Honor- I know what I need to do and that’s all there is to it.
Return to Love- I get more awesome day after day! Can everybody see how awesome I am?
Over the weekend I was still in shock and denial. Then Monday and Tuesday rolled around and I exercised self-discipline for the first time in a long time. This pissed me off because I don’t like being bossed around, even if I am the one doing the bossing. Then Wednesday through today I’m feeling pretty proud for accomplishing all of the little steps that I took through the week.
The counting calories part was the hardest for me. But it proved to be the best method for regaining some perspective. I would try to sneak in something not 100% healthy and I ended up hungry at the end of the day. But if I filled up on wholesome goodness within my calorie range I felt great. That prompted me to continue to make smart choices.
For instance, last night I had some calories left over after dinner. I wanted a little dessert so I contemplated eating a piece of dark chocolate and savoring it. Or eating apples and greek yogurt. I chose the apples and greek yogurt and it was awesome.
When I weighed myself after the New Year I was shocked to see that I weighed 211.4 pounds. When I stepped on the scale today I weighed 206. That’s 5.4 pounds.
Honestly, I wish it were more. I wanted that 211.4 pounds to be mostly water weight from the holidays but I don’t think it is. The sobering fact is it is mostly comprised of fat.
I really am disappointed about ending up in this situation again…
I could blame it on all kinds of things: the ectopic pregnancy, PCOS hormones, new job, busy lifestyle… but none of that stuff matters. Wasting energy trying to justify how I ended up this heavy again doesn’t do anything for me in the future.
What I need to do is take this process one day at a time and pat myself on the back for each and every good decision that I make that leads me to where I want to go. In fact, that has kind of become a little nightly ritual. I track everything that I ate, contemplate on all of the exercise I did and then I just take a moment to feel proud of myself.
Yes… I realize how cheesy that sounds..
But I really think it is necessary in the early stages of a lifestyle change.
I stripped down to my little blue short shorts for a new round of before and after pics. These will be posted on Friday January 30th along with the 1 month progress.
Now there is nothing left to do but keep going and that includes lunch with middle schoolers…