Insecurity… it’s a weird thing.

    

The other day I was at the pool with Penelope in all of my glory eating Cheetos. Yes, Cheetos. (Lack of weight loss Mystery solved.) It was rest period and I was sitting on my damp towel in a less than flattering position crunching on my snack when I decided to take the opportunity to people watch.

Watching half-naked people in a public setting could very well be one of the most interesting social experiments you can conduct. You can tell a lot about a person by how they behave in their bathing suit… the way they pull at their suits, the positions they insist on lounging in, the way they hunch their shoulders or arch their backs… very telling indeed.

But the thing that stood out to me the most was the universal fact that nobody really cares how YOU look in your bathing suit. Pool patrons are mostly just concerned about how THEY look. Nobody is looking at you and judging you. In fact, people probably appreciate you more if they look better than you do. Because let’s be honest, we’re all a little bit self-centered like that.

Later the whistle was blown and it was time to get back into the pool. I sat in the shallow end with Penelope within earshot of a gaggle of women, all of whom looked fantastic in their bikinis. I was wearing my sunglasses and was secretly scoping them out. Divying up which of their body parts I wish I had… I’ll take her boobs, her butt, and her flat abs. As I was admiring these women I could hear them talking among themselves. The conversation turned to insecurities. “Ugh I hate the cellulite on my butt. I have this ONE dimple that doesn’t go away no matter how many squats I do.”

I decided to check it out. Sure enough she had a dimple. I hadn’t noticed because I was too busy admiring her stomach from where I was sitting. Then I thought about it some more and it dawned on me that we all have insecurities because we are all imperfect. It’s how we approach those imperfections that determines how insecure you are.

It was a shame that lady had such a rocking body but she couldn’t enjoy it because she couldn’t see past that one flaw. Then I looked at myself and all of the things that bother me about myself and I decided that the same rules applied to me as well. Later that day I decided to go shopping for some summer clothes. I’ve been avoiding it because I’ve gained a little weight since last summer.

 

So far, for the majority of the summer I’ve been feeling pretty good in my skin. Then I went shopping and couldn’t find anything that fit right and BAM! I turned into an epic asshole to myself. I talked myself down and convinced myself that there was no use in trying to shop anymore because nothing would fit. (Apparently I wasn’t only an asshole but the middle school bully version of myself as well because I was pretty dramatic about it.)

This only lasted for a day because realized I was being stupid. So I went back to doing my summer thang…

Gardening…

    

Bike Riding…

Having picnics at the park…

    

Writing…

    

Waking up early to go running…

Picking flowers…

and eating yummy food…

    

    

It didn’t take long to feel better about myself.

Insecurity ebbs and flows. Somedays I could give a shit what people think of me because I think I’m pretty great. Then I’ll be a complete asshole to myself and talk myself down.

Throughout writing this blog I have discovered that there is something empowering about not giving in to the urge of talking down to yourself. I find that time is much better spent simply enjoying where you are in the moment… flaws and all.