I want what I want and I want it now!


I have to be honest, my attitude has been kind of crappy lately. I’ve spent way too much time feeling sorry for myself when in reality I have nothing to complain about.

Here are the constant complaints:

1. I’m stuck with my kids 24/7.

2. I’m tired of cooking and cleaning.

3. My husband is never around.

Here’s the reality… I’m super lucky. Being a stay at home mom is actually a dream come true and it isn’t going to last forever. At one point I’m going to have to put my education to use and I will look back at these days and wish I appreciated it more. The grocery store is my oyster and I should be grateful that I can go to the store whenever I want and pick out whatever I want. And let’s be honest, my house isn’t all that clean so it’s not like I’m slaving away here. My husband doesn’t like being gone as much as he is. He’s missing out on family time so he can pay for all of that quality time I get to spend with the girls. He’d do anything for me and instead of being grateful I’m complaining.

If I could bitch slap myself, I would… only that would hurt and I’m not really into that whole self-inflicted pain thing.

Life is all about perspective and I’ve been looking at things the wrong way. For instance, I’ve been complaining about not losing enough weight when in reality I’ve lost 14 pounds in three weeks.

Could you get more greedy?

Slow and steady wins the race is definitely not my motto. I go more along the lines of… I WANT WHAT I WANT AND I WANT IT NOW!

What a brat! If I was in Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory I would probably blow up like a huge blueberry, or nearly drown in a lake full of chocolate milk.

My weight loss is slowing down and I think it may be because I’ve lost sight of what is important, my health and the health of my family. Instead, I’ve been obsessing over every morsel I put into my mouth and because of this I think I  may not be getting enough to fuel my body. So my body is saying… screw you.

Instead of quantity I need to focus on quality.

I need to focus on the quality of food that I feed myself, the quality of time that I spend with my family and just my general appreciation for life.

There is a part of me that is happy with myself the way that I am and for some reason that self acceptance scares me. I’m afraid that if I like myself like this then I will be tempted to settle. I think this is why I’m in such a rush to change. I keep thinking that this whole process should be painful but in reality it doesn’t have to be. It’s called a weight loss journey for a reason.

We have a choice. We can choose the scary dark painful road where the wind howls because we think its a short-cut or we can choose the happy road where the birds are chirping and the roses are begging you to smell them and enjoy the process.

The happy road keeps beckoning me to it but I keep refusing it because I think I need to suffer. Why? Why does suffering have to have any part of this journey?

In truth if I keep trying to choose the dark scary path I’m going to quit because I’m making myself miserable and that’s not what we’re really going for.

What I’ve come to realise is that there is nothing wrong with taking your time and enjoying the process. I feel good in my clothes and I’m getting stronger and faster. But if the scale doesn’t say what I want it to I throw all of that to the side and focus on what I don’t have.

It’s time for me to look at my life through a different lens. I’m being stupid. Nobody ever said this was a race. There is nothing wrong with going the slow steady route and simply enjoying your life while you try to make it better. It’s all about balance, something we all crave. I went from one extreme to the other and that’s not progress.